If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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