ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
