I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
