I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
