Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
