I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
