my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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