Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
