nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
