: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
