Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
