I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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