Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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