so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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