Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
