I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
MIDGETS
????
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
