You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize