Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
