I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
