I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I CAN MOONWALK!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
