I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize