Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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