my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish my penis had a tongue
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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