**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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