After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
