I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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