I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize