The beer is more important than you right now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
