If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
