Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize