meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
