I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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