I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We got so high we made milksteak
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
