I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
