dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
