Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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