i already hear my dad disowning me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
