Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
