3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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