I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
