I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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