So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
