I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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