party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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