We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
