I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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