i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
