dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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