Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
