It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
