I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize