Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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