Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
