The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
