Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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