Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
