The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Only a mothe r could love this liver
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
