so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
