and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize