no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
