just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
