im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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