i just had sex bonerless
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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