Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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