ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
