like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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