why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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