Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
