She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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