Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The beer is more important than you right now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
