I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
