How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
