i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
