I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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