People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
