I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
