the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
