whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
