it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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