i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
