Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
