I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we're making bets on your personal life
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
