If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
