he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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