Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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