Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize