i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
