I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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