I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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