smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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