At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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