somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
