um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize