she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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