I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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